ISTP – ESTJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISTP - ESTJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISTP - ESTJ relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Extroversion-Introversion

Joys Struggles
  • Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert.
  • Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants.
  • Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.
  • Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them.
  • Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask.
  • On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.

 

Sensing-Sensing

Joys Struggles
  • Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen.
  • Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other.
  • Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.
  • Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed.
  • In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple.
  • In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.

Thinking-Thinking

Joys Struggles
  • Both parties enjoy the straightforward and frank communication styles; no emotional issues is brought into discussion and decision making.
  • As such, both find it easy to communicate with each other; they won’t have to try to cushion their message or filter it; but can afford to be direct without being afraid of offending the other party.
  • In decision-making, both parties use a logical, objective analysis to access pros and cons. This same mode of decision-making will mean that they are less likely to come into conflict.
  • While both are logical with one another, sometimes some romance and affection can liven up the relationship; both parties may have issues showing it.
  • Because both use a logical and objective process in decision-making, they may have a blind spot in considering their personal values.
  • Under stress, they may have an issue controlling their own emotions; sometimes this can lead to highly intense fights that are destructive.

Judging-Perceiving

Joys Struggles
  • Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions.
  • Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate.
  • Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.
  • However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers.
  • Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom.
  • Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy.
  • Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.

 

Here’s how ISTPs and ESTJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISTP as an ESTJ
  • Give time for reflection – If you have a response you need from your partner, give him/her sufficient time to think about the question. Your partner is a person of few words and needs a little more time to articulate a thoughtful answer. 
  • Take it easy – Your partner likes things to be light-hearted and easy – that’s when he/she is the most productive. No need to be too serious with your partner! 
  • Do things together – A great way to bond with your partner is to get outdoors and do recreational activities or sports together. 
  • Expect changes – Your partner is likely to make changes to schedules and plans without informing you. Be patient, for it is likely to happen a lot! 
  • Avoid micromanaging Avoid micromanaging your partner – he/she needs independence and freedom to complete the tasks given. Trust your partner to complete the task and deliver results.
Reaching out to the ESTJ as an ISTP
  • Do what you say you will – Follow through on your commitments and keep all the promises that you’ve made. 
  • Respect the need for order – Be as neat and organised as you can, especially in common areas where you both interact. Do not dismiss your partner’s need for neatness as something obsessive. 
  • Be forthcoming – Try to open up and share more about your what’s going on with you. Revealing your thoughts and reactions is a way of establishing and deepening the connection. 
  • Share your partner’s burdens – Help your partner out in practical ways like running errands together or supporting the projects. Your partner is most appreciative when the day-to-day needs are met. 
  • Learn to compromise – Your partner has a strong need to exercise control and be in charge. You may resent this but attempt to find a compromise so that you can preserve the partnership.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISTP – ESTJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.