ISTP – ESFP Relationship

ISTP - ESFP Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISTP - ESFP relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISTP - ESFP relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert.
  • Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants.
  • Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.
  • Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them.
  • Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask.
  • On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.


  • Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen.
  • Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other.
  • Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.
  • Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed.
  • In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple.
  • In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.


  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.


  • Both parties enjoy being spontaneous to changing circumstances and keeping their options open without seeing the need to come to a decision.
  • Both tend to be okay with going with the flow; for the most part, daily decisions like eating locations or recreational activities are decided on a whim. Little conflict over these issues.
  • Both parties are comfortable with disorganization in the household; the household will probably be messy, and both are perfectly fine with it.
  • Both parties tend to be less consistent in performing routine household tasks like cleaning the house, doing the laundry and paying the bills.
  • However, since these activities are a necessary evil, the partner that tries to do these tasks consistently may feel frustrated and maybe resentful.
  • Also, because both parties want to keep their options open, they are likely to procrastinate making important decisions, sometimes even pushing it away until they make none.


Here’s how ISTPs and ESFPs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISTP as an ESFP
  • Respect his or her need to be alone – It is important to realise that solitude is essential for your partner, and that when he or she requests to be alone it does not always mean that something has happened. 
  • Listen attentively when your partner talks – When your partner takes time to share something with you, stop what you’re doing and give him/her full attention. Don’t interrupt or ask too many questions. 
  • Be calm and clear about your needs – Express yourself in a calm and clear manner, especially if it involves your feelings and needs. Your partner will have problems understanding you if you are overly emotional. 
  • Talk about your concerns honestly – Instead of beating about the bush, you can be direct and honest about problems with your partner. He or she will be open to hear from you and talk things out. 
  • Appreciate the small things he/she does – Your partner is inclined to demonstrate his or her affection and loyalty through little acts. Show appreciation whenever he/she goes an extra mile.
Reaching out to the ESFP as an ISTP
  • Be patient – Be patient and supportive to your partner, especially if your partner is feeling upset or overwhelmed. 
  • Respect your partner’s feelings – Hear your partner out and be mindful of how he/she feel. It is important to not dismiss your partner’s feelings just because you don’t share or understand them. 
  • Express yourself more – Try to express your feelings and reactions in words and actions, so that your partner can understand you better. 
  • Remember important details – Listen to your partner when he/she shares and try to remember stories and people that your partner cares about. 
  • Participate in your partner’s events – Try to participate in as many social events and activities that they’ve organised or are part of. Encourage your partner to go ahead even if you do not want to join them.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISTP – ESFP relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.