ISTJ - ISFP Relationship

ISTJ - ISFP Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISTJ - ISFP relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISTJ - ISFP relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Introversion-Introversion

JoysStruggles
  • Introverts have a natural mutual respect of each other’s private time and space; both will know the need for the occasional solitude and quiet.
  • In recreation, both enjoy that alone time and at the most with a close group of friends; both do not like big social gatherings or parties.
  • If they have a common interest, introverts will enjoy those long, deep meaningful conversations they can have with one another.
  • Both are naturally good listeners; they will enjoy taking turns to share and asking questions to one another.
  • Without a common interest, they may find it challenging to keep the conversation going. In a short while, they may find they run out of things to talk about.
  • Because both enjoy the silence so much, they may take communication for granted and not share their feelings with each other often enough.
  • May lack a support network if both do not belong to a community because of their lack of desire to socialize.

Sensing-Sensing

JoysStruggles
  • Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen.
  • Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other.
  • Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.
  • Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed.
  • In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple.
  • In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.

Thinking-Feeling

JoysStruggles
  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.

Judging-Perceiving

JoysStruggles
  • Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions.
  • Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate.
  • Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.
  • However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers.
  • Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom.
  • Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy.
  • Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.

 

Here’s how ISTJs and ISFPs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISTJ as an ISFP
  • Encourage your partner to speak up – Encourage your partner to speak up by asking genuine, interested questions. 
  • Don’t take things personally – Your partner may say things that seem direct and somewhat insensitive. Don’t take it personally – your partner is probably trying to deal with the issue at hand. 
  • Be objective and logical – Refrain from bringing in emotions or personal values when discussing issues. Instead, be objective and logical to convince your partner. 
  • Respect the need for tradition – Your partner prefers to do the tried-and-tested rather than try anything new. If change is needed, give your partner time and space to make adjustments. 
  • Make plans and stick to them – You may make plans and change them spontaneously. This may get on your partner’s nerves, so do your best to make plans and stick to them.
Reaching out to the ISFP as an ISTJ
  • Soften your words – Be careful to not be too direct in conversations. Avoid criticism and smile at all times. 
  • Be spontaneous – Allow yourself to leave some things unfinished occasionally and respond spontaneously to the opportunities of fun your partner presents you with. 
  • Go with the flow – Try to be too concerned about getting things done all the time. Learn to be flexible and open to changes and new ideas. 
  • Focus on the positive – Frequently express your appreciation and affection for your partner, instead of pointing out their flaws and shortcomings. 
  • Resist the urge to correct – Try not to point out mistakes or errors all the time. Your partner learns through experience and making mistakes. Let your partner be.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISTJ – ISFP relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.