ISTJ - INFJ Relationship

ISTJ - INFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISTJ - INFJ Relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISTJ - INFJ relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Introverts have a natural mutual respect of each other’s private time and space; both will know the need for the occasional solitude and quiet.
  • In recreation, both enjoy that alone time and at the most with a close group of friends; both do not like big social gatherings or parties.
  • If they have a common interest, introverts will enjoy those long, deep meaningful conversations they can have with one another.
  • Both are naturally good listeners; they will enjoy taking turns to share and asking questions to one another.
  • Without a common interest, they may find it challenging to keep the conversation going. In a short while, they may find they run out of things to talk about.
  • Because both enjoy the silence so much, they may take communication for granted and not share their feelings with each other often enough.
  • May lack a support network if both do not belong to a community because of their lack of desire to socialize.


  • Sensors enjoys the insightful and brilliant Intuitive and seeing things from a big picture, strategic perspective relative to theirs.
  • Sensors are also likely fascinated by the outlandish imagination of the Intuitive; with big dreams and visions.
  • Intuitives will appreciate the Sensors attention to detail in everyday living; Sensors bring Intuitives down to earth to common sense.
  • While not true for all Sensors, Sensors dress themselves and groom themselves relatively well; this is something that Intuitives will appreciate and admire.
  • May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry.
  • Sensors are more past and present focused while Intuitives tend to be more future oriented; This means that Sensors will take references from past experiences and present facts to make a decision, while Intuitives are more likely to take into account future possibilities when doing so. – This may lead to different conclusions with available information.
  • Sensors may find Intuitives’ lack of interest in everyday living and managing household tasks to be frustrating; they don’t understand why Intuitives are always ‘in their heads’, pondering about the deep things of life while they are the ones taking care of the duties of the household.


  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.


  • Because both value organization, they are likely to have a neat and tidy household with clear rules and standards, something which both parties will prefer.
  • They are likely also to plan their schedules with each other, with little or no issue with unnecessary last minute changes.
  • They will also appreciate their partner’s ability to keep up with the demands of everyday living and stay on top.
  • They will likely be strong together with budgeting, there will be little or no issues with planning out finances together.
  • Even though both parties may have standards in the household, they may have very different standards.
  • Because both tend to be opinionated, their arguments and quarrels may be more intense. Both may refuse to budge on their standards and compromise.
  • Both parties like to settle things; this means that sometimes they may make premature decisions without sufficiently considering their alternative options.


Here’s how ISTJs and ISFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISTJ as an INFJ
  • Share your feelings openly – Your partner is not attuned to emotions and is very unlikely to grasp the depth of your feelings. Be patient and share openly, but don’t expect your partner to connect the dots!
  • Give the details – Your partner’s way of connecting with you is to listen to the details of your life – so share them in detail and don’t just give the gist.
  • Be objective – Adopt an objective standpoint when explaining things to your partner, as he/she does not respond as well to emotion or passion.
  • Be practical  – Your partner is a practical and down-to-earth person. Your heart may be full of ideals and dreams, but this won’t appeal to your partner. Be practical and talk about real things.
  • Focus on what has worked before – Your partner is one of the most cautious personality types. Use past successes to convince them.
Reaching out to the INFJ as an ISTJ
  • Be gentle and affirming – Your words may be construed as insensitive or offensive by your partner. Adopt a gentle and affirming tone when expressing yourself.
  • Support your partner’s visions and dreams – Avoid squelching your partner’s enthusiasm by pointing out why your partner’s ideas are not practical. Instead, find ways you can practically support your partner.
  • Never dismiss your partner’s beliefs – Respect your partner’s feelings and values, even if you don’t understand or share them.
  • Share how you think or feel – Offer to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, even if you are not used to it. Having a peek into your inner world is one sure way for your partner to open up to you.
  • Proactively resolve conflicts – When a conflict arises, initiate a discussion with your partner to resolve the issue.Never give your partner the silent treatment.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISTJ – INFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.