ISTJ – ESFP Relationship

ISTJ - ESFP Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISTJ - ESFP relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISTJ - ESFP relationship has 1 preference similarities and 3 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Extroversion-Introversion

Joys Struggles
  • Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert.
  • Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants.
  • Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.
  • Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them.
  • Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask.
  • On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.

Sensing-Sensing

Joys Struggles
  • Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen.
  • Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other.
  • Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.
  • Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed.
  • In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple.
  • In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.

Thinking-Feeling

Joys Struggles
  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.

Judging-Perceiving

Joys Struggles
  • Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions.
  • Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate.
  • Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.
  • However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers.
  • Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom.
  • Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy.
  • Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.

 

Here’s how ISTJs and ESFPs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISTJ as an ESFP
  • Be thorough with tasks entrusted to you – This is extremely important, especially if you both are co-workers. Finish your chores, get ready on time and keep your workspace neat and tidy. Be on task, and do it well. 
  • Leave him/her alone in stressful moments – When your friend is busy or stressed, try to leave him or her alone instead of interrupting, invading his/her privacy or insisting on him/her to socialise. 
  • Stick to your plans and decisions – Try not to procrastinate in decisions and plans that involve your friend. Stick to the plans and decisions that you have made as much as you can.
  • Respect your friend’s beliefs, values and practices – Show respect for your friend’s values and beliefs, even if you don’t agree. Remember and observe dates and occasions that matter to him/her. 
  • Assign responsibility to your friend – Your friend feels loved and needed when you assign key responsibilities for a project or task to him/her.
Reaching out to the ESFP as an ISTJ
  • Listen patiently – Hear your partner out without criticism or judgement. Refrain from shutting your partner down without hearing out the whole story. 
  • Do not disappear – Never give your partner the silent treatment. If you need time alone, let your partner know so that he/she does not take it personally. 
  • Have fun together – A great way to connect with your partner would be to do social activities together – no matter how pointless you think it is. 
  • Be open to change – Your partner is going to make changes to schedules and plans more than you’re comfortable with. Be patient. 
  • Be encouraging and warm – Your coldness or directness does not endear your partner to you. Be encouraging and warm when you are expressing yourself.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISTJ – ESFP relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.