ISFP – ESTP Relationship

ISFP - ESTP Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISFP - ESTP relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISFP - ESTP relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Extroversion-Introversion

JoysStruggles
  • Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert.
  • Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants.
  • Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.
  • Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them.
  • Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask.
  • On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.

Sensing-Sensing

JoysStruggles
  • Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen.
  • Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other.
  • Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.
  • Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed.
  • In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple.
  • In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.

Thinking-Feeling

JoysStruggles
  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.

Perceiving-Perceiving

JoysStruggles
  • Both parties enjoy being spontaneous to changing circumstances and keeping their options open without seeing the need to come to a decision.
  • Both tend to be okay with going with the flow; for the most part, daily decisions like eating locations or recreational activities are decided on a whim. Little conflict over these issues.
  • Both parties are comfortable with disorganization in the household; the household will probably be messy, and both are perfectly fine with it.
  • Both parties tend to be less consistent in performing routine household tasks like cleaning the house, doing the laundry and paying the bills.
  • However, since these activities are a necessary evil, the partner that tries to do these tasks consistently may feel frustrated and maybe resentful.
  • Also, because both parties want to keep their options open, they are likely to procrastinate making important decisions, sometimes even pushing it away until they make none.

 

Here’s how ISFPs and ESTPs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISFP as an ESTP
  • Encourage your partner to speak up – Your partner prefers not to speak unless necessary. Engage him/her by encouraging your partner to speak, and then listen attentively! 
  • Be patient – Your partner prefers to take his/her time to think through the issue before speaking. Don’t be impatient and move on to the next issue before he/she speaks. 
  • Be gentle and affirming – Sometimes, your careless words may offend or hurt your partner. If it happens, apologize and adopt a more positive tone of speaking. Be gentle and affirming. 
  • Leave your partner to solitude – Your partner does his/her best work when alone. Don’t interrupt that solitude; instead come back to him/her later. 
  • Give your partner time alone – In the same vein, there are times when your partner just wants to be alone. Don’t ask him/her why – sometimes your partner just needs it and won’t have a reason to tell you. Your partner may come and go unannounced – let it be.
Reaching out to the ESTP as an ISFP
  • Speak up intentionally – Make it a point to make your feelings and thoughts heard, no matter how inadequate you think they may be. 
  • Be objective – Use objective logic with your partner; avoid using emotion or personal values to convince him/her. 
  • Don’t take it personally – Your partner may say things in jest that appear offensive or insensitive to you; best is to not take it personally and realize it has more to do with the issue. 
  • Stand by your ideas with reason – Your partner will challenge your ideas; stand by them with reason but don’t expect your partner to accept it. He/she enjoys a challenge. 
  • Be open to changes – Your partner is likely to make changes to their plans spontaneously; don’t be surprised and be patient with him/her.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISFP – ESTP relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.