ISFP – ESFJ Relationship

ISFP - ESFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISFP - ESFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISFP - ESFJ relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert.
  • Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants.
  • Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.
  • Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them.
  • Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask.
  • On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.


  • Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen.
  • Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other.
  • Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.
  • Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed.
  • In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple.
  • In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.


  • Both parties are attracted to each other’s warmth, sensitivity and kindness to each other’s needs.
  • Both will likely enjoy their expressiveness and natural affection with each other.
  • Both Feeling types tend to recognize and consider their partner’s needs and try to meet them. Hence there is usually high level of harmony in the relationship.
  • Because both value some level of harmony, they may store up unhappy feelings inside and not share openly.
  • They may avoid necessary conflict and disagreements; this is unhealthy in the long run for the quality of the relationship.
  • Because both may decisions with their personal values, they may sometimes overlook logical consequences of certain actions.


  • Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions.
  • Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate.
  • Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.
  • However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers.
  • Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom.
  • Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy.
  • Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.


Here’s how ISFPs and ESFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISFP as an ESFJ
  • Give them time to express themselves – Your partner needs to feel safe in order to express himself/herself fully. Be patient and show concern by giving full attention without interruption. 
  • Don’t micromanage – Your partner wants the freedom and independence to try something out without your instructions. Avoid micromanaging and let your partner figure it out. 
  • Let your partner have solitude – Don’t interrupt your partner’s silence and solitude. Your partner works best when alone and so give him/her the space to be able to do so. 
  • Expect changes – Your partner may make changes to plans and schedules without informing you. Don’t be surprised when this happens – instead be patient as it may get on your nerves. 
  • Let your partner try things – Your partner learns best by doing something and making mistakes via experience. Don’t tell your partner what to do or what not to do. Let him/her figure it out.
Reaching out to the ESFJ as an ISFP
  • Communicate intentionally with them – Speak up intentionally and make your point heard– if not, your partner may dominate the conversation. 
  • Be open about your feelings – Share about how you feel openly. Don’t make it hard for your partner to figure out; he/she is unlikely to have the patience to keep probing.
  • Initiate conversation – Your partner will greatly appreciate it if you make it a point to start a conversation or social interaction with him/her. 
  • Respect your partner’s need for tradition – Your partner will need to see a track record, past success stories to be convinced of doing things in a new way. If not given, your partner prefers to stick to the tried and tested. 
  • Be decisive – When your partner asks you for a tie-down of dates and schedules, be decisive. Make a plan and stick to the plan.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISFP – ESFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.