ISFJ – ISTP Relationship

ISFJ - ISTP Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISFJ - ISTP relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISFJ - ISTP relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Introversion-Introversion

Joys Struggles
  • Introverts have a natural mutual respect of each other’s private time and space; both will know the need for the occasional solitude and quiet.
  • In recreation, both enjoy that alone time and at the most with a close group of friends; both do not like big social gatherings or parties.
  • If they have a common interest, introverts will enjoy those long, deep meaningful conversations they can have with one another.
  • Both are naturally good listeners; they will enjoy taking turns to share and asking questions to one another.
  • Without a common interest, they may find it challenging to keep the conversation going. In a short while, they may find they run out of things to talk about.
  • Because both enjoy the silence so much, they may take communication for granted and not share their feelings with each other often enough.
  • May lack a support network if both do not belong to a community because of their lack of desire to socialize.

Sensing-Sensing

Joys Struggles
  • Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen.
  • Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other.
  • Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.
  • Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed.
  • In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple.
  • In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.

Thinking-Feeling

Joys Struggles
  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.

Judging-Perceiving

Joys Struggles
  • Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions.
  • Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate.
  • Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.
  • However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers.
  • Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom.
  • Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy.
  • Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.

 

Here’s how ISFJs and ISTPs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISFJ as an ISTP
  • Express your feelings – Tell your partner how much you care and how much of a positive difference their presence has made in your life. 
  • Respect your partner’s routines – Unless necessary, try not to change plans suddenly, or disregard your partner’s schedule and need for predictability. 
  • Keep your promises – Follow through on what you have started, and keep every promise or commitment that you have made to your partner. 
  • Be supportive – Make an effort to be supportive, especially at times when your partner is especially busy or stressed. Pitching in to help without being asked is best. 
  • Appreciate your partner often – Be grateful and appreciative of your partner for the many things that he/she has done to bless you in different ways!
Reaching out to the ISTP as an ISFJ
  • Give your partner solitude – Your partner will want a lot of time in solitude to do his/her own thing. Let your partner be, and don’t try to question his/her need for it.
  • Do things together – Your partner enjoys doing rather than talking. One of the good ways to connect with your partner is to do activities together. 
  • Don’t take things personally – Your partner may occasionally say things that are insensitive or offensive to you. Don’t take it personally as it most likely wasn’t intended for that. 
  • Don’t micromanage – Your partner appreciates the freedom to decide what and how he/she wants to do something. Give your partner a choice and refrain from micromanaging. 
  • Be patient with your partner’s spontaneity – Your partner will make new plans and cancel others without telling you. Don’t be surprised – be patient for it will get on your nerves.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISFJ – ISTP relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.