ISFJ – INTJ Relationship

ISFJ - INTJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISFJ - INTJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISFJ - INTJ relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Introversion-Introversion

JoysStruggles
  • Introverts have a natural mutual respect of each other’s private time and space; both will know the need for the occasional solitude and quiet.
  • In recreation, both enjoy that alone time and at the most with a close group of friends; both do not like big social gatherings or parties.
  • If they have a common interest, introverts will enjoy those long, deep meaningful conversations they can have with one another.
  • Both are naturally good listeners; they will enjoy taking turns to share and asking questions to one another.
  • Without a common interest, they may find it challenging to keep the conversation going. In a short while, they may find they run out of things to talk about.
  • Because both enjoy the silence so much, they may take communication for granted and not share their feelings with each other often enough.
  • May lack a support network if both do not belong to a community because of their lack of desire to socialize.

Sensing-Intuition

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  • Sensors enjoys the insightful and brilliant Intuitive and seeing things from a big picture, strategic perspective relative to theirs.
  • Sensors are also likely fascinated by the outlandish imagination of the Intuitive; with big dreams and visions.
  • Intuitives will appreciate the Sensors attention to detail in everyday living; Sensors bring Intuitives down to earth to common sense.
  • While not true for all Sensors, Sensors dress themselves and groom themselves relatively well; this is something that Intuitives will appreciate and admire.
  • May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry.
  • Sensors are more past and present focused while Intuitives tend to be more future oriented; This means that Sensors will take references from past experiences and present facts to make a decision, while Intuitives are more likely to take into account future possibilities when doing so. – This may lead to different conclusions with available information.
  • Sensors may find Intuitives’ lack of interest in everyday living and managing household tasks to be frustrating; they don’t understand why Intuitives are always ‘in their heads’, pondering about the deep things of life while they are the ones taking care of the duties of the household.

Thinking-Feeling

JoysStruggles
  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.

Judging-Judging

JoysStruggles
  • Because both value organization, they are likely to have a neat and tidy household with clear rules and standards, something which both parties will prefer.
  • They are likely also to plan their schedules with each other, with little or no issue with unnecessary last minute changes.
  • They will also appreciate their partner’s ability to keep up with the demands of everyday living and stay on top.
  • They will likely be strong together with budgeting, there will be little or no issues with planning out finances together.
  • Even though both parties may have standards in the household, they may have very different standards.
  • Because both tend to be opinionated, their arguments and quarrels may be more intense. Both may refuse to budge on their standards and compromise.
  • Both parties like to settle things; this means that sometimes they may make premature decisions without sufficiently considering their alternative options.

 

Here’s how ISFJs and INTJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISFJ as an INTJ
  • Share your thoughts openly – Make your complex thoughts plain for your partner to understand. Don’t expect your partner decipher your thinking. 
  • Focus on the details – Don’t focus on the big picture or the theory– instead bring it to the actionable details and to-dos. 
  • Be gentle and affirming – Your partner may take offense at your words when you are too critical or insensitive. Adopt a gentle and affirming tone with engaging your partner. 
  • Acknowledge your partner’s contribution – Your partner has contributed and supported many people behind the scenes without recognition. Acknowledge it when you see it. 
  • Respect the need for stability – Your partner is more uncomfortable with change. If change is necessary, give your partner time and space to make adjustments.
Reaching out to the INTJ as an ISFJ
  • Ask them questions to help them clarify – Your partner may find it hard to explain his/her insights. Ask your partner questions to clarify his/her thoughts. 
  • Get to the gist – There is usually no need to get into the details. Get to the gist of the issue and let your partner ask the questions. 
  • Be objective – Take an objective and logical point of view when analysing issues with your partner. Refrain from using emotions or personal values. 
  • Take a strategic viewpoint – Take a strategic viewpoint to discussing issues– your partner is interested in the effectiveness and efficiency of an idea. 
  • Reinforce your viewpoints with logic – You will be called to justify why you have certain opinions. Be prepared to reinforce your viewpoints with logical explanations.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISFJ – INTJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.