ISFJ – INFJ Relationship

ISFJ - INFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISFJ - INFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISFJ - INFJ relationship has 3 preference similarities and 1 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Introverts have a natural mutual respect of each other’s private time and space; both will know the need for the occasional solitude and quiet.
  • In recreation, both enjoy that alone time and at the most with a close group of friends; both do not like big social gatherings or parties.
  • If they have a common interest, introverts will enjoy those long, deep meaningful conversations they can have with one another.
  • Both are naturally good listeners; they will enjoy taking turns to share and asking questions to one another.
  • Without a common interest, they may find it challenging to keep the conversation going. In a short while, they may find they run out of things to talk about.
  • Because both enjoy the silence so much, they may take communication for granted and not share their feelings with each other often enough.
  • May lack a support network if both do not belong to a community because of their lack of desire to socialize.


  • Sensors enjoys the insightful and brilliant Intuitive and seeing things from a big picture, strategic perspective relative to theirs.
  • Sensors are also likely fascinated by the outlandish imagination of the Intuitive; with big dreams and visions.
  • Intuitives will appreciate the Sensors attention to detail in everyday living; Sensors bring Intuitives down to earth to common sense.
  • While not true for all Sensors, Sensors dress themselves and groom themselves relatively well; this is something that Intuitives will appreciate and admire.
  • May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry.
  • Sensors are more past and present focused while Intuitives tend to be more future oriented; This means that Sensors will take references from past experiences and present facts to make a decision, while Intuitives are more likely to take into account future possibilities when doing so. – This may lead to different conclusions with available information.
  • Sensors may find Intuitives’ lack of interest in everyday living and managing household tasks to be frustrating; they don’t understand why Intuitives are always ‘in their heads’, pondering about the deep things of life while they are the ones taking care of the duties of the household.


  • Both parties are attracted to each other’s warmth, sensitivity and kindness to each other’s needs.
  • Both will likely enjoy their expressiveness and natural affection with each other.
  • Both Feeling types tend to recognize and consider their partner’s needs and try to meet them. Hence there is usually high level of harmony in the relationship.
  • Because both value some level of harmony, they may store up unhappy feelings inside and not share openly.
  • They may avoid necessary conflict and disagreements; this is unhealthy in the long run for the quality of the relationship.
  • Because both may decisions with their personal values, they may sometimes overlook logical consequences of certain actions.


  • Because both value organization, they are likely to have a neat and tidy household with clear rules and standards, something which both parties will prefer.
  • They are likely also to plan their schedules with each other, with little or no issue with unnecessary last minute changes.
  • They will also appreciate their partner’s ability to keep up with the demands of everyday living and stay on top.
  • They will likely be strong together with budgeting, there will be little or no issues with planning out finances together.
  • Even though both parties may have standards in the household, they may have very different standards.
  • Because both tend to be opinionated, their arguments and quarrels may be more intense. Both may refuse to budge on their standards and compromise.
  • Both parties like to settle things; this means that sometimes they may make premature decisions without sufficiently considering their alternative options.


Here’s how ISFJs and INFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISFJ as an INFJ
  • Be patient with the sharing – When sharing, your partner may seem long-winded. Be patient, don’t interrupt and listen attentively. 
  • Share your feelings – Your partner likely doesn’t grasp the depth of emotions you feel. Explain yourself as simply as possible but don’t expect your partner to ‘connect-the-dots’. 
  • Give the details – Sharing the details of events and his/her interaction with people is your partner’s way of connecting with you. Likewise, share the details with your partner, don’t just give the gist. 
  • Be practical – You may appear too idealistic to your partner. What your partner wants to know is if something is practical or executable. 
  • Focus on what has worked before – Your partner is cautious and may not want to try new things. To overcome that, show a track record of success stories.
Reaching out to the INFJ as an ISFJ
  • Express yourself – Don’t be afraid to share how you think or feel with your partner. He/she will be more than happy to listen and empathise. 
  • Ask questions to clarify your partner’s thoughts – Sometimes your partner may have a hard articulating how he/she feels. Ask questions to help your partner work through his/her thoughts or feelings. 
  • Be authentic in your sharing – Your partner feels more connected to you when you are authentically sharing your heart with him/her. Your partner will reciprocate by sharing too. 
  • Get to the gist – Don’t spend too much time on the details. It is likely your partner ‘gets it’ very quickly. 
  • Support your partner’s ideals – Your partner has ideals that are not often supported by others. Encourage and spur your partner on and practically find ways to help your partner achieve it.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISFJ – INFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.