ISFJ – ESFP Relationship

ISFJ - ESFP Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISFJ - ESFP relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISFJ - ESFP relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Extroversion-Introversion

Joys Struggles
  • Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert.
  • Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants.
  • Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.
  • Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them.
  • Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask.
  • On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.

Sensing-Sensing

Joys Struggles
  • Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen.
  • Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other.
  • Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.
  • Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed.
  • In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple.
  • In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.

Feeling-Feeling

Joys Struggles
  • Both parties are attracted to each other’s warmth, sensitivity and kindness to each other’s needs.
  • Both will likely enjoy their expressiveness and natural affection with each other.
  • Both Feeling types tend to recognize and consider their partner’s needs and try to meet them. Hence there is usually high level of harmony in the relationship.
  • Because both value some level of harmony, they may store up unhappy feelings inside and not share openly.
  • They may avoid necessary conflict and disagreements; this is unhealthy in the long run for the quality of the relationship.
  • Because both may decisions with their personal values, they may sometimes overlook logical consequences of certain actions.

Judging-Perceiving

Joys Struggles
  • Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions.
  • Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate.
  • Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.
  • However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers.
  • Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom.
  • Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy.
  • Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.

 

Here’s how ISFJs and ESFPs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISFJ as an ESFP
  • Respect his/her rituals and routines – Your partner is the most comfortable being organised and having things in order. Try not to switch things up without his or her input and approval. 
  • Be where you say you will be – When you arrange for a meet up with your partner, be where you say you will be and be on time. Minimise the number of interruptions in his/her routines. 
  • Keep your lips sealed – Never disclose any personal or sensitive information about a partner to others, even if it involves issues that are not a big deal to you. 
  • Honour his/her values and beliefs – Show respect for your partner’s values and beliefs, even if you don’t agree. Remember and observe dates and occasions that matter to him/her. 
  • Grant him/her sufficient time alone – Allow your partner to have alone time regularly, especially after a busy or stressful day. Recharging in solitude is what he or she requires to maintain balance in life.
Reaching out to the ESFP as an ISFJ
  • Be warm and enthusiastic – Open up, be warm and enthusiastic when engaging your partner. Increase your energy level intentionally. 
  • Do fun things together – The best way to connect with your partner is to do fun things together, especially social activities. 
  • Be encouraging and affirming – Say what you need to say to them in an encouraging and affirming manner; your partner is likely to be more receptive that way. 
  • Don’t micromanage – Your partner wants the freedom to choose what to do and when to do it. Refrain from micromanaging your partner in any way. 
  • Be patient with your partner’s spontaneity – Your partner will likely make plans spontaneously and change them at their whim. Be patient with him/her.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISFJ – ESFP relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.