ISFJ – ESFJ Relationship

ISFJ - ESFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISFJ - ESFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISFJ - ESFJ relationship has 3 preference similarities and 1 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert.
  • Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants.
  • Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.
  • Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them.
  • Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask.
  • On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.


  • Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen.
  • Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other.
  • Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.
  • Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed.
  • In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple.
  • In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.


  • Both parties are attracted to each other’s warmth, sensitivity and kindness to each other’s needs.
  • Both will likely enjoy their expressiveness and natural affection with each other.
  • Both Feeling types tend to recognize and consider their partner’s needs and try to meet them. Hence there is usually high level of harmony in the relationship.
  • Because both value some level of harmony, they may store up unhappy feelings inside and not share openly.
  • They may avoid necessary conflict and disagreements; this is unhealthy in the long run for the quality of the relationship.
  • Because both may decisions with their personal values, they may sometimes overlook logical consequences of certain actions.


  • Because both value organization, they are likely to have a neat and tidy household with clear rules and standards, something which both parties will prefer.
  • They are likely also to plan their schedules with each other, with little or no issue with unnecessary last minute changes.
  • They will also appreciate their partner’s ability to keep up with the demands of everyday living and stay on top.
  • They will likely be strong together with budgeting, there will be little or no issues with planning out finances together.
  • Even though both parties may have standards in the household, they may have very different standards.
  • Because both tend to be opinionated, their arguments and quarrels may be more intense. Both may refuse to budge on their standards and compromise.
  • Both parties like to settle things; this means that sometimes they may make premature decisions without sufficiently considering their alternative options.


Here’s how ISFJs and ESFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISFJ as an ESFJ
  • Give time for sharing – Be patient when listening to your partner. Ask questions to clarify and don’t interrupt or talk about the silence just because it feels awkward. 
  • Don’t interrupt the sharing – When your partner is talking, don’t be distracted or look elsewhere. Instead give full attention and let your partner complete the sharing first before you come in. 
  • Be very sensitive – Your partner is very sensitive to your words and may be offended or hurt if you say something brashly. Adopt a sensitive and affirming way of saying something. 
  • Give time to change – When you need changes to be made, give time and space for your partner to make adjustments. 
  • Acknowledge your partner’s quiet contribution – Your partner supports you and contributes from behind the scenes. Praise and acknowledge when you notice this.
Reaching out to the ESFJ as an ISFJ
  • Let them talk – Your partner needs someone to talk to, and sometimes someone to rant to. Let them express themselves and listen attentively. 
  • Express yourself – Intentionally express your thoughts and feelings to your partner. Your partner will appreciate he/she does not need to dig hard to figure you out. 
  • Be warm and enthusiastic – To keep your partner engaged, be warm and enthusiastic in your responses. 
  • Support your partner emotionally – Sometimes your partner just needs someone to root for him/her; sometimes your partner is in the wrong – it does not matter; support your partner and be by his/her side emotionally. 
  • Give time to adjust – Your partner may be stubborn and may not want to change. Give your partner time to adjust to changes.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISFJ – ESFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.