INTJ – ENFJ Relationship

INTJ - ENFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section INTJ - ENFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The INTJ - ENFJ relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert.
  • Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants.
  • Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.
  • Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them.
  • Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask.
  • On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.


  • Because both parties enjoy discussing big ideas, possibilities and global issues, they will usually find a certain attraction to each other.
  • This is especially if they have similar viewpoints on certain issues, they will find chemistry with each other.
  • Both tend to enjoy each other’s uniqueness, not just in viewpoints but also in fashion, tastes and so on.
  • Because both parties enjoy talking about the future, their conversations will more often revolve around future hopes and dreams and exciting possibilities.
  • However, they may lack interest in everyday living, hence if they are a married couple, household duties may tend to be neglected.
  • Even if they attempt to take care of household, they may still miss important details in its maintenance.
  • The partner that has to be constantly responsible for the everyday maintenance may feel resentment or unfulfilled.
  • A good balance can be achieved with proper delegation of duties or with the hiring of a domestic helper.


  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.


  • Because both value organization, they are likely to have a neat and tidy household with clear rules and standards, something which both parties will prefer.
  • They are likely also to plan their schedules with each other, with little or no issue with unnecessary last minute changes.
  • They will also appreciate their partner’s ability to keep up with the demands of everyday living and stay on top.
  • They will likely be strong together with budgeting, there will be little or no issues with planning out finances together.
  • Even though both parties may have standards in the household, they may have very different standards.
  • Because both tend to be opinionated, their arguments and quarrels may be more intense. Both may refuse to budge on their standards and compromise.
  • Both parties like to settle things; this means that sometimes they may make premature decisions without sufficiently considering their alternative options.


Here’s how INTJs and ENFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the INTJ as an ENFJ
  • Grant your partner personal space – Be careful not to force too much social contact on your partner, especially if it’s gatherings with people who he/she does not know, respect or care much about. 
  • Compliment your partner’s accomplishments – Showing support for your partner’s career needs would greatly boost his/her morale. Your partner also appreciates compliments on his/her ideas and accomplishments. 
  • Listen without making judgements – Learn to listen without making judgements and give your partner undivided attention when he/she shares thoughts and opinions. 
  • Don’t mistake silence for indifference – Your partner’s lack of expression does not mean that he/she does not care; it is just done differently. Your partner usually shows concern by solving your problems in practical and logical ways. 
  • Be patient with his/her processing time – Your partner does not like feeling pressed for answers – and the ones he/she give you in haste or distress will not be one he/she desires. Be patient with his/her processing time, for the insightful and unique perspectives yielded would prove it worthwhile.
Reaching out to the ENFJ as an INTJ
  • Express yourself intentionally – Make an extra effort to communicate how you think about issues. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. 
  • Talk it through with your partner – If there is conflict to be resolved, stay engaged with your partner by talking through the issue. Don’t retreat into solitude as it would cause further misunderstanding. 
  • Be encouraging – It’s not what you say, but also how you say it. When you give your thoughts, frame it in an encouraging and affirming way. 
  • Learn about your partner’s dreams – Ask your partner about his/her dreams and visions for the future. Encourage their belief to achieve those dreams. 
  • Focus on developing people – If you have a proposal for your partner, focus on positive impact on others and how it would develop and help people fulfil their potential.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the INTJ – ENFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.