INFP – ESTP Relationship

INFP - ESTP Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section INFP - ESTP relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The INFP - ESTP relationship has 1 preference similarity and 3 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert.
  • Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants.
  • Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.
  • Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them.
  • Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask.
  • On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.


  • Sensors enjoys the insightful and brilliant Intuitive and seeing things from a big picture, strategic perspective relative to theirs.
  • Sensors are also likely fascinated by the outlandish imagination of the Intuitive; with big dreams and visions.
  • Intuitives will appreciate the Sensors attention to detail in everyday living; Sensors bring Intuitives down to earth to common sense.
  • While not true for all Sensors, Sensors dress themselves and groom themselves relatively well; this is something that Intuitives will appreciate and admire.
  • May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry.
  • Sensors are more past and present focused while Intuitives tend to be more future oriented; This means that Sensors will take references from past experiences and present facts to make a decision, while Intuitives are more likely to take into account future possibilities when doing so. – This may lead to different conclusions with available information.
  • Sensors may find Intuitives’ lack of interest in everyday living and managing household tasks to be frustrating; they don’t understand why Intuitives are always ‘in their heads’, pondering about the deep things of life while they are the ones taking care of the duties of the household.


  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.


  • Both parties enjoy being spontaneous to changing circumstances and keeping their options open without seeing the need to come to a decision.
  • Both tend to be okay with going with the flow; for the most part, daily decisions like eating locations or recreational activities are decided on a whim. Little conflict over these issues.
  • Both parties are comfortable with disorganization in the household; the household will probably be messy, and both are perfectly fine with it.
  • Both parties tend to be less consistent in performing routine household tasks like cleaning the house, doing the laundry and paying the bills.
  • However, since these activities are a necessary evil, the partner that tries to do these tasks consistently may feel frustrated and maybe resentful.
  • Also, because both parties want to keep their options open, they are likely to procrastinate making important decisions, sometimes even pushing it away until they make none


Here’s how INFPs and ESTPs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the INFP as an ESTP
  • Ask your partner questions – Your partner is likely to be quieter around you, with you being the more talkative one. Listen more and ask questions so that he/she will open up. 
  • Get to the gist – Your partner does not like you to get into the details of things. Just focus on communicating the essence of the situation, and let your partner do the asking if he/she wants any clarification. 
  • Entertain the possibilities – Don’t be a wet blanket to ideas and dreams by playing the devil’s advocate. Recognize that your partner talks about ideas and dreams as a way to self-energize. 
  • Be gentle and affirming – Your partner responds to warm and kind words, so be gentle and affirming. Be sensitive and tactful when giving negative feedback. 
  • Talk about helping people – Your partner has a heart for people. If you have an idea, talk about the human impact it has and your partner will be more receptive to hear about it.
Reaching out to the ESTP as an INFP
  • Engage them with high energy – Your partner may get bored easily if he/she is with someone with low energy. Engage actively by being warm and gregarious. 
  • Keep it light-hearted – Things don’t need to be serious! Keep it light-hearted, whether at work or in a social setting – your partner performs best in that state. 
  • Do fun things together – The best way to engage your partner is to have fun activities together, especially outdoor activities. 
  • Don’t take things personally – Your partner may come across as insensitive or careless with remarks. Don’t take it personally – most of the words are in jest or not meant to be a personal attack. 
  • Give freedom – Your partner wants the freedom to decide how he/she wants to do life and disdains others telling him/her how to live it. Resist the temptation to tell your partner what’s ‘right’.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the INFP – ESTP relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.