INFP – ENFJ Relationship

INFP - ENFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section INFP - ENFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The INFP - ENFJ relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert.
  • Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants.
  • Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.
  • Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them.
  • Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask.
  • On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.


  • Because both parties enjoy discussing big ideas, possibilities and global issues, they will usually find a certain attraction to each other.
  • This is especially if they have similar viewpoints on certain issues, they will find chemistry with each other.
  • Both tend to enjoy each other’s uniqueness, not just in viewpoints but also in fashion, tastes and so on.
  • Because both parties enjoy talking about the future, their conversations will more often revolve around future hopes and dreams and exciting possibilities.
  • However, they may lack interest in everyday living, hence if they are a married couple, household duties may tend to be neglected.
  • Even if they attempt to take care of household, they may still miss important details in its maintenance.
  • The partner that has to be constantly responsible for the everyday maintenance may feel resentment or unfulfilled.
  • A good balance can be achieved with proper delegation of duties or with the hiring of a domestic helper.


  • Both parties are attracted to each other’s warmth, sensitivity and kindness to each other’s needs.
  • Both will likely enjoy their expressiveness and natural affection with each other.
  • Both Feeling types tend to recognize and consider their partner’s needs and try to meet them. Hence there is usually high level of harmony in the relationship.
  • Because both value some level of harmony, they may store up unhappy feelings inside and not share openly.
  • They may avoid necessary conflict and disagreements; this is unhealthy in the long run for the quality of the relationship.
  • Because both may decisions with their personal values, they may sometimes overlook logical consequences of certain actions.


  • Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions.
  • Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate.
  • Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.
  • However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers.
  • Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom.
  • Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy.
  • Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.


Here’s how INFPs and ENFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the INFP as an ENFJ
  • Express yourself honestly, but gently  – Concealing frustrations and fears is an issue that both of you face. Learn to tell your partner the truth in love and gentleness, without blame and criticism. 
  • Flow with your partner’s spontaneity – Try to take things less seriously, and allow your partner to help you lighten up with some spontaneous misadventures! 
  • Don’t criticise his/her ability to follow through – When you work together, you must resist criticising your partner’s ability to follow through, and not become increasingly controlling and bossy. 
  • Tell your partner about gatherings in advance – Your partner can struggle with being organised and on schedule, but if he/she knows that it means a great deal to you, your partner will show up. 
  • Don’t assume that you know it all – Regardless of how you know about your partner, always give him/her the benefit of the doubt. Seek to understand and hear before jumping to conclusions.
Reaching out to the ENFJ as an INFP
  • Speak up – In the work setting, your partner may dominate the discussion. Speak up and assert yourself, especially if it is an important issue. 
  • Be gentle and affirming – Sometimes when you are speaking passionately, you may come across as cutting or insensitive. Be gentle and encouraging with your partner. 
  • Be decisive – Don’t be wishy-washy in your decisions. Be definitive in your answers and speak with confidence, even though there may be room for doubt. 
  • Ask about your partner’s dreams – Your partner probably has big dreams to make the world better. Find out more about it and find a way to support it. 
  • Respect the need for harmony – Although your partner may appear bossy at work, he/she hates conflict. If there is a disagreement, your partner will want to talk it out – let him/her do so with you; don’t avoid it.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the INFP – ENFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.