INFJ – INTJ Relationship

INFJ - INTJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section INFJ - INTJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The INFJ - INTJ relationship has 3 preference similarities and 1 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Introverts have a natural mutual respect of each other’s private time and space; both will know the need for the occasional solitude and quiet.
  • In recreation, both enjoy that alone time and at the most with a close group of friends; both do not like big social gatherings or parties.
  • If they have a common interest, introverts will enjoy those long, deep meaningful conversations they can have with one another.
  • Both are naturally good listeners; they will enjoy taking turns to share and asking questions to one another.
  • Without a common interest, they may find it challenging to keep the conversation going. In a short while, they may find they run out of things to talk about.
  • Because both enjoy the silence so much, they may take communication for granted and not share their feelings with each other often enough.
  • May lack a support network if both do not belong to a community because of their lack of desire to socialize.


  • Because both parties enjoy discussing big ideas, possibilities and global issues, they will usually find a certain attraction to each other.
  • This is especially if they have similar viewpoints on certain issues, they will find chemistry with each other.
  • Both tend to enjoy each other’s uniqueness, not just in viewpoints but also in fashion, tastes and so on.
  • Because both parties enjoy talking about the future, their conversations will more often revolve around future hopes and dreams and exciting possibilities.
  • However, they may lack interest in everyday living, hence if they are a married couple, household duties may tend to be neglected.
  • Even if they attempt to take care of household, they may still miss important details in its maintenance.
  • The partner that has to be constantly responsible for the everyday maintenance may feel resentment or unfulfilled.
  • A good balance can be achieved with proper delegation of duties or with the hiring of a domestic helper.


  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.


  • Because both value organization, they are likely to have a neat and tidy household with clear rules and standards, something which both parties will prefer.
  • They are likely also to plan their schedules with each other, with little or no issue with unnecessary last minute changes.
  • They will also appreciate their partner’s ability to keep up with the demands of everyday living and stay on top.
  • They will likely be strong together with budgeting, there will be little or no issues with planning out finances together.
  • Even though both parties may have standards in the household, they may have very different standards.
  • Because both tend to be opinionated, their arguments and quarrels may be more intense. Both may refuse to budge on their standards and compromise.
  • Both parties like to settle things; this means that sometimes they may make premature decisions without sufficiently considering their alternative options.


Here’s how INFJs and INTJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the INFJ as an INTJ
  • Express yourself – Both of you have complex thoughts that you may find hard to express. Make the effort to do so, no matter how incomplete it feels. 
  • Be warm and open – Be warm and open to your partner thoughts and especially feelings. Refrain from being critical in any way. 
  • Ask questions – Your partner is likely to have many unshared thoughts. Ask genuinely caring questions to get your partner to open up. 
  • Ask your partner about his/her ideals – Ask your partner about his/her dreams and ideals about life. Don’t be critical about feasibility of their ideas – just accept it and encourage it. 
  • Focus on personal growth – Focus on helping your partner become better by talking about personal growth through reading or personal experiences.
Reaching out to the INTJ as an INFJ
  • Share your feelings – Your partner is unlikely to understand what you’re feeling. Try to articulate it the best you know how – and don’t expect him/her to ‘connect-the-dots’. 
  • Don’t expect your partner to ‘get it’ – Don’t punish him/her for not ‘getting it’ – Know that it’s not easy to fully grasp the depth of your emotions especially to your partner. 
  • Don’t take it personally – Sometimes your partner’s words may appear offensive or insensitive to you. Don’t take it personally – it likely wasn’t meant to hurt. 
  • Be objective – When you are persuading your partner, be objective and focus on the facts. Don’t use emotion or passion to convince your partner. 
  • Talk about the effectiveness of your approach – Your partner is likely to be interested in the logical merits of any idea. Angle your approach toward effectiveness and efficiency.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the INFJ – INTJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.