INFJ – ESFJ Relationship

INFJ - ESFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section INFJ - ESFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The INFJ - ESFJ relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert.
  • Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants.
  • Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.
  • Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them.
  • Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask.
  • On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.


  • Sensors enjoys the insightful and brilliant Intuitive and seeing things from a big picture, strategic perspective relative to theirs.
  • Sensors are also likely fascinated by the outlandish imagination of the Intuitive; with big dreams and visions.
  • Intuitives will appreciate the Sensors attention to detail in everyday living; Sensors bring Intuitives down to earth to common sense.
  • While not true for all Sensors, Sensors dress themselves and groom themselves relatively well; this is something that Intuitives will appreciate and admire.
  • May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry.
  • Sensors are more past and present focused while Intuitives tend to be more future oriented; This means that Sensors will take references from past experiences and present facts to make a decision, while Intuitives are more likely to take into account future possibilities when doing so. – This may lead to different conclusions with available information.
  • Sensors may find Intuitives’ lack of interest in everyday living and managing household tasks to be frustrating; they don’t understand why Intuitives are always ‘in their heads’, pondering about the deep things of life while they are the ones taking care of the duties of the household.


  • Both parties are attracted to each other’s warmth, sensitivity and kindness to each other’s needs.
  • Both will likely enjoy their expressiveness and natural affection with each other.
  • Both Feeling types tend to recognize and consider their partner’s needs and try to meet them. Hence there is usually high level of harmony in the relationship.
  • Because both value some level of harmony, they may store up unhappy feelings inside and not share openly.
  • They may avoid necessary conflict and disagreements; this is unhealthy in the long run for the quality of the relationship.
  • Because both may decisions with their personal values, they may sometimes overlook logical consequences of certain actions.


  • Because both value organization, they are likely to have a neat and tidy household with clear rules and standards, something which both parties will prefer.
  • They are likely also to plan their schedules with each other, with little or no issue with unnecessary last minute changes.
  • They will also appreciate their partner’s ability to keep up with the demands of everyday living and stay on top.
  • They will likely be strong together with budgeting, there will be little or no issues with planning out finances together.
  • Even though both parties may have standards in the household, they may have very different standards.
  • Because both tend to be opinionated, their arguments and quarrels may be more intense. Both may refuse to budge on their standards and compromise.
  • Both parties like to settle things; this means that sometimes they may make premature decisions without sufficiently considering their alternative options.


Here’s how INFJs and ESFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the INFJ as an ESFJ
  • Let your partner explain – Your partner will have insights that he/she finds hard to explain. Be patient, ask questions to clarify and don’t interrupt. 
  • Give your partner time to think – When you ask your partner a question, give him/her time for reflection. Let your partner come back to you with a thoughtful response. 
  • Give the big picture – Get to the gist quickly and let your partner ask you the question to clarify. Don’t need to go into details unless asked. 
  • Be authentic – Be real and authentic with your feelings. Your partner appreciates your openness and will reciprocate by sharing too. 
  • Support your partner’s ideals – Learn about the dreams and ideals your partner is striving toward. Find ways you can support it, and don’t be a wet blanket.
Reaching out to the ESFJ as an INFJ
  • Speak up with more intention – You cannot expect your partner to keep probing by asking questions. Sometimes, it’s best you initiate the conversation by opening up to share. 
  • Share your feelings – Your partner with their best effort may not completely understand the depth of how you feel. Say it as plainly as you can. 
  • Give the details – Your partner wants to know the details. You may only give the gist at times, but giving the details is what they want so that they can hold a conversation with you. 
  • Be practical – While you tend to be idealistic about the future, your partner is more practical and down-to-earth. Balance your conversation with both. 
  • Focus on what has worked before – Your partner is probably more interested in what has worked before, rather than what you think is possible. Show track record and past success stories.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the INFJ – ESFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.