ESTP – ESTJ Relationship

ESTP - ESTJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ESTP - ESTJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ESTP - ESTJ relationship has 3 preference similarities and 1 preference difference. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Because both parties enjoy people, they are likely to go for many socializing activities and parties together.
  • They will likely enjoy each other’s energy and zest for life and have many fun activities and adventures together.
  • Because of their love for people and socializing, they are likely to have a large network around them, supporting and mediating for the couple in time of need.
  • Because both love to speak, (not so much listen), they may try to compete for air time when conversing with one another. So instead of listening, they may out talk each other in order to be heard.
  • Hence, they may not feel fulfilled, especially if one party is always doing the talking and the other doing the listening.
  • One party may turn to outside friends to fill that desire to speak and be heard, and in bad cases, it may lead to extra-marital affair.


  • Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen.
  • Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other.
  • Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.
  • Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed.
  • In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple.
  • In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.


  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.


  • Both parties enjoy being spontaneous to changing circumstances and keeping their options open without seeing the need to come to a decision.
  • Both tend to be okay with going with the flow; for the most part, daily decisions like eating locations or recreational activities are decided on a whim. Little conflict over these issues.
  • Both parties are comfortable with disorganization in the household; the household will probably be messy, and both are perfectly fine with it.
  • Both parties tend to be less consistent in performing routine household tasks like cleaning the house, doing the laundry and paying the bills.
  • However, since these activities are a necessary evil, the partner that tries to do these tasks consistently may feel frustrated and maybe resentful.
  • Also, because both parties want to keep their options open, they are likely to procrastinate making important decisions, sometimes even pushing it away until they make none.


Here’s how ESTPs and ESTJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ESTP as an ESTJ
  • Invite your partner to speak and share – Your partner may be talkative in social settings but may say less in the work setting. Invite your partner to give input by asking questions. 
  • Take it easy – Your partners enjoy the light-hearted atmosphere in work and in play for that is where he/she is most productive. There’s no need to be too serious! 
  • Give options – Your partner wants options and the freedom to decide things. Give him/her independence to accomplish the tasks you assigned. 
  • Expect changes – Your partner changes and adapts plans according to the changing circumstance. Be patient as this may often get on your nerves. 
  • Avoid micro-managing – Give your partner the broad objective and let him/her figure out the intermediate steps. Avoid bossing him/her.
Reaching out to the ESTJ as an ESTP
  • Give equal airtime – If you are dominating a conversation, ask your partner a question to give him/her attention and let your partner speak too. 
  • Be more serious at work – Your partner is completely no nonsense when it comes to work. Try to act more seriously around your partner if you guys are working on a project together. 
  • Don’t challenge in public – Your partner views any challenge from you as a threat to his/her authority and therefore will respond negatively. If you are playing the devil’s advocate, speak to him/her privately. 
  • Come to a conclusion – Try to give your partner closure with deadlines, schedules or decisions. Don’t let things stay open for too long. 
  • Give time to adjust – Unlike you, your partner needs time to adjust to changes. Don’t expect him/her to be as flexible or adaptable as you. Give time and space to adapt.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ESTP – ESTJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.