ESTP – ESFP Relationship

ESTP - ESFP Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ESTP - ESFP relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ESTP - ESFP relationship has 3 preference similarities and 1 preference difference. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Because both parties enjoy people, they are likely to go for many socializing activities and parties together.
  • They will likely enjoy each other’s energy and zest for life and have many fun activities and adventures together.
  • Because of their love for people and socializing, they are likely to have a large network around them, supporting and mediating for the couple in time of need.
  • Because both love to speak, (not so much listen), they may try to compete for air time when conversing with one another. So instead of listening, they may out talk each other in order to be heard.
  • Hence, they may not feel fulfilled, especially if one party is always doing the talking and the other doing the listening.
  • One party may turn to outside friends to fill that desire to speak and be heard, and in bad cases, it may lead to extra-marital affair.


  • Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen.
  • Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other.
  • Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.
  • Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed.
  • In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple.
  • In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.


  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.


  • Both parties enjoy being spontaneous to changing circumstances and keeping their options open without seeing the need to come to a decision.
  • Both tend to be okay with going with the flow; for the most part, daily decisions like eating locations or recreational activities are decided on a whim. Little conflict over these issues.
  • Both parties are comfortable with disorganization in the household; the household will probably be messy, and both are perfectly fine with it.
  • Both parties tend to be less consistent in performing routine household tasks like cleaning the house, doing the laundry and paying the bills.
  • However, since these activities are a necessary evil, the partner that tries to do these tasks consistently may feel frustrated and maybe resentful.
  • Also, because both parties want to keep their options open, they are likely to procrastinate making important decisions, sometimes even pushing it away until they make none.


Here’s how ESTPs and ESFPs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ESTP as an ESFP
  • Be calm and logical in discussions – Whenever you discuss problems or things that you wish were different, try to be as objective as you can. Keep calm and steer away from emotional outbursts. 
  • Try not to overreact or exaggerate – Balance being expressive and accurate when you share information with your partner, especially if it involves important issues. 
  • Do not give him or her the cold treatment – If you are upset with your partner, do not withdraw without explanation. Make an effort to communicate the factors that have affected you, and let him/her know that you need time alone. 
  • Respect your partner’s competence – Never doubt your partner’s capability, or undermine him or her in public. Being an achiever is something that he or she usually takes pride in. 
  • Know that he/she shows concern differently – Don’t assume that your partner is unfeeling when he or she doesn’t react or feel the same way you do. Often, he or she shows care in other ways.
Reaching out to the ESFP as an ESTP
  • Give your partner time to talk – Both of you are social people who love being around people. If you happen to dominate a conversation, bring your partner in by asking him/her a question. 
  • Be encouraging and positive – Sometimes your honest and straightforward way of saying things may offend your partner. Learn to angle your words in a more encouraging and positive manner. 
  • Don’t question the logic – Resist the urge to question your partner’s logic. There’s no point. It’s more than likely that your partner is speaking from his/her emotion. 
  • Be gentle in giving negative feedback – In the same way, your partner does not respond well to negative feedback. If you can, say it gently and kindly so your partner can be more receptive to it. 
  • Have fun together – Find interesting social activities that both of you are participate. Having fun together is the best way you can connect with your partner.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ESTP – ESFP relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.