ESTP – ENFJ Relationship

ESTP - ENFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ESTP - ENFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ESTP - ENFJ relationship has 1 preference similarity and 3 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Because both parties enjoy people, they are likely to go for many socializing activities and parties together.
  • They will likely enjoy each other’s energy and zest for life and have many fun activities and adventures together.
  • Because of their love for people and socializing, they are likely to have a large network around them, supporting and mediating for the couple in time of need.
  • Because both love to speak, (not so much listen), they may try to compete for air time when conversing with one another. So instead of listening, they may out talk each other in order to be heard.
  • Hence, they may not feel fulfilled, especially if one party is always doing the talking and the other doing the listening.
  • One party may turn to outside friends to fill that desire to speak and be heard, and in bad cases, it may lead to extra-marital affair.


  • Sensors enjoys the insightful and brilliant Intuitive and seeing things from a big picture, strategic perspective relative to theirs.
  • Sensors are also likely fascinated by the outlandish imagination of the Intuitive; with big dreams and visions.
  • Intuitives will appreciate the Sensors attention to detail in everyday living; Sensors bring Intuitives down to earth to common sense.
  • While not true for all Sensors, Sensors dress themselves and groom themselves relatively well; this is something that Intuitives will appreciate and admire.
  • May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry.
  • Sensors are more past and present focused while Intuitives tend to be more future oriented; This means that Sensors will take references from past experiences and present facts to make a decision, while Intuitives are more likely to take into account future possibilities when doing so. – This may lead to different conclusions with available information.
  • Sensors may find Intuitives’ lack of interest in everyday living and managing household tasks to be frustrating; they don’t understand why Intuitives are always ‘in their heads’, pondering about the deep things of life while they are the ones taking care of the duties of the household.


  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.


  • Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions.
  • Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate.
  • Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.
  • However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers.
  • Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom.
  • Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy.
  • Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.


Here’s how ESTPs and ENFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ESTP as an ENFJ
  • Be direct and honest – Stay calm and clear; if you have to talk about problems, get the facts straight instead of tiptoeing around. Your partner would appreciate you being candid. 
  • Let little things go – Be careful of your tendency to nag and boss around, up till the smallest detail. Try to loosen up and live in the moment; not everything has to be perfect at the time. 
  • Participate in your partner’s interests – Your partner feels the most loved when you do things he/she likes and go to places he/she enjoys. Plan to be spontaneous and join your partner on adventures! 
  • Accept your partner’s need for details – Patiently supply details your partner need, when you talk about big ideas. Give them space to gather information and check out options, even if you already know what’s good. 
  • Grant your partner space – Freedom is extremely important to your partner. So don’t pin them down or insist that your partner accounts for his/her schedule. It may assure you, but it stifles your partner!
Reaching out to the ENFJ as an ESTP
  • Be careful not to dominate a conversation – If you seem to be dominating the conversation, ask your partner some questions so that he/she will speak up. Give your partner some time to be at the centre of attention. 
  • Talk about the gist – You are more interested in the details of happenings than your partner. Your partner just wants to know the gist of the issue. So instead, give your partner the essence and let him/her ask the clarifying questions. 
  • Be tactful – Your straightforward nature may be misconstrued by your partner as offensive or hurting. Learn to be tactful, especially when giving negative feedback. 
  • Come to a conclusion – Don’t keep things in the air. Try to settle things with your partner regarding deadlines, schedules or decisions. 
  • Focus on people development – Your partner loves to see people being helped emotionally, spiritually or mentally. Talk about how your ideas help people in these ways.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ESTP – ENFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.