ESTJ – ENFJ Relationship

ESTJ - ENFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ESTJ - ENFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ESTJ - ENFJ relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Because both parties enjoy people, they are likely to go for many socializing activities and parties together.
  • They will likely enjoy each other’s energy and zest for life and have many fun activities and adventures together.
  • Because of their love for people and socializing, they are likely to have a large network around them, supporting and mediating for the couple in time of need.
  • Because both love to speak, (not so much listen), they may try to compete for air time when conversing with one another. So instead of listening, they may out talk each other in order to be heard.
  • Hence, they may not feel fulfilled, especially if one party is always doing the talking and the other doing the listening.
  • One party may turn to outside friends to fill that desire to speak and be heard, and in bad cases, it may lead to extra-marital affair.


  • Sensors enjoys the insightful and brilliant Intuitive and seeing things from a big picture, strategic perspective relative to theirs.
  • Sensors are also likely fascinated by the outlandish imagination of the Intuitive; with big dreams and visions.
  • Intuitives will appreciate the Sensors attention to detail in everyday living; Sensors bring Intuitives down to earth to common sense.
  • While not true for all Sensors, Sensors dress themselves and groom themselves relatively well; this is something that Intuitives will appreciate and admire.
  • May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry.
  • Sensors are more past and present focused while Intuitives tend to be more future oriented; This means that Sensors will take references from past experiences and present facts to make a decision, while Intuitives are more likely to take into account future possibilities when doing so. – This may lead to different conclusions with available information.
  • Sensors may find Intuitives’ lack of interest in everyday living and managing household tasks to be frustrating; they don’t understand why Intuitives are always ‘in their heads’, pondering about the deep things of life while they are the ones taking care of the duties of the household.


  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler.
  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated.
  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.


  • Because both value organization, they are likely to have a neat and tidy household with clear rules and standards, something which both parties will prefer.
  • They are likely also to plan their schedules with each other, with little or no issue with unnecessary last minute changes.
  • They will also appreciate their partner’s ability to keep up with the demands of everyday living and stay on top.
  • They will likely be strong together with budgeting, there will be little or no issues with planning out finances together.
  • Even though both parties may have standards in the household, they may have very different standards.
  • Because both tend to be opinionated, their arguments and quarrels may be more intense. Both may refuse to budge on their standards and compromise.
  • Both parties like to settle things; this means that sometimes they may make premature decisions without sufficiently considering their alternative options.


Here’s how ESTJs and ENFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ESTJ as an ENFJ
  • Compliment your partner often – Praise your partner on tangible things like looks, achievements and contributions to your social circle. 
  • Don’t interrupt your partner – Do not assume that you know where your partner is headed to in a conversation, allow him/her to finish sentences instead of having you complete it. 
  • Present ideas logically – Be prepared to offer accurate details and facts during any discussion with your partner. Try not to skip steps, especially if it has to do with a favour you need. 
  • Appreciate your partner’s consistency – Chances are, your partner is usually the one who does the thoughtful, boring things that makes life easier for everyone. Thank your partner for always cleaning up the mess! 
  • Do something thoughtful – Your partner feels the most loved when someone contributes meaningfully; practical acts of services like grabbing breakfast or a coffee.
Reaching out to the ENFJ as an ESTJ
  • Take turns to give your insight – Like you, your partner can be opinionated in a work setting. Take turns to give your input and listen patiently without interrupting. 
  • Give the overview before the details – Get to the overview quickly as your partner only needs to know the gist of the matter. Avoid sharing details unless asked. 
  • Measure your critique with praise and affirmations – You may be rather straightforward with your words. Adopt a positive and affirming approach to saying something. Praise where possible. 
  • Agree to disagree – Being opinionated, you often end up disagreeing with your partner. Find common ground where you can and agree to disagree. Find the 3rd solution if necessary. 
  • Support your partner’s dreams – Learn about your partner’s dreams and visions, and find ways you can practically support your partner to achieve it.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ESTJ – ENFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.