ESFP - ESFJ Relationship

ESFP - ESFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ESFP - ESFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ESFP - ESFJ relationship has 3 preference similarities and 1 preference difference. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Because both parties enjoy people, they are likely to go for many socializing activities and parties together.
  • They will likely enjoy each other’s energy and zest for life and have many fun activities and adventures together.
  • Because of their love for people and socializing, they are likely to have a large network around them, supporting and mediating for the couple in time of need.
  • Because both love to speak, (not so much listen), they may try to compete for air time when conversing with one another. So instead of listening, they may out talk each other in order to be heard.
  • Hence, they may not feel fulfilled, especially if one party is always doing the talking and the other doing the listening.
  • One party may turn to outside friends to fill that desire to speak and be heard, and in bad cases, it may lead to extra-marital affair.


  • Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen.
  • Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other.
  • Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.
  • Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed.
  • In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple.
  • In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.


  • Both parties are attracted to each other’s warmth, sensitivity and kindness to each other’s needs.
  • Both will likely enjoy their expressiveness and natural affection with each other.
  • Both Feeling types tend to recognize and consider their partner’s needs and try to meet them. Hence there is usually high level of harmony in the relationship.
  • Because both value some level of harmony, they may store up unhappy feelings inside and not share openly.
  • They may avoid necessary conflict and disagreements; this is unhealthy in the long run for the quality of the relationship.
  • Because both may decisions with their personal values, they may sometimes overlook logical consequences of certain actions.


  • Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions.
  • Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate.
  • Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.
  • However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers.
  • Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom.
  • Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy.
  • Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.


Here’s how ESFPs and ESFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ESFP as an ESFJ
  • Take turns to share and speak – Give time for your partner to share and speak if you happen to dominate a conversation. Ask questions and listen patiently. 
  • Don’t be too serious – Your partner enjoys a light-hearted and casual atmosphere even when working. Keep things light and easy; your partner is most productive in that state. 
  • Avoid micro-managing your partner – Don’t try to manage your partner’s life in any way. Your partner will resist it and move away from you. Give your partner freedom. 
  • Let your partner try things – You tend to guide your partner on how to avoid mistakes, but your partner wants to learn new things essentially by making mistakes through trying. Don’t stop him/her from trying things out! 
  • Expect changes – Your partner is highly spontaneously and can make changes to plans quickly and easily without telling you. Expect changes and be patient.
Reaching out to the ESFJ as an ESFP
  • Maintain a predictable pattern – Your partner prefers structure and is stressed out when things are left up in the air. Try not to disrupt their routines, and go easy on your spontaneous suggestions! 
  • Help your partner out with his/her errands – Your partner feels most loved when their practical needs are met. If you are co-workers, lending him/her a helping hand will assure your partner of your share of responsibility. 
  • Address issues with love and honesty – Learn to discuss unpleasant issues even if you dislike it because, for a partnership to last, there is a need to air differences healthily. Do it with love and honesty. 
  • Be decisive and consistent in your way of life – Your partner has a strong sense of urgency when it comes to decision making and commitments, and keeping options open all the time can make them feel insecure. Learn to confront important decisions and stick with the plans that you decide on. 
  • Appreciate him/her for keeping your life organised – Your partner is likely to put in tons of effort in the big and small, to make life easier for those around them. Remember to appreciate him/her once in a while!

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ESFP – ESFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.