ESFP – ENFJ Relationship

ESFP - ENFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ESFP - ENFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ESFP - ENFJ relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


  • Because both parties enjoy people, they are likely to go for many socializing activities and parties together.
  • They will likely enjoy each other’s energy and zest for life and have many fun activities and adventures together.
  • Because of their love for people and socializing, they are likely to have a large network around them, supporting and mediating for the couple in time of need.
  • Because both love to speak, (not so much listen), they may try to compete for air time when conversing with one another. So instead of listening, they may out talk each other in order to be heard.
  • Hence, they may not feel fulfilled, especially if one party is always doing the talking and the other doing the listening.
  • One party may turn to outside friends to fill that desire to speak and be heard, and in bad cases, it may lead to extra-marital affair.


  • Sensors enjoys the insightful and brilliant Intuitive and seeing things from a big picture, strategic perspective relative to theirs.
  • Sensors are also likely fascinated by the outlandish imagination of the Intuitive; with big dreams and visions.
  • Intuitives will appreciate the Sensors attention to detail in everyday living; Sensors bring Intuitives down to earth to common sense.
  • While not true for all Sensors, Sensors dress themselves and groom themselves relatively well; this is something that Intuitives will appreciate and admire.
  • May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry.
  • Sensors are more past and present focused while Intuitives tend to be more future oriented; This means that Sensors will take references from past experiences and present facts to make a decision, while Intuitives are more likely to take into account future possibilities when doing so. – This may lead to different conclusions with available information.
  • Sensors may find Intuitives’ lack of interest in everyday living and managing household tasks to be frustrating; they don’t understand why Intuitives are always ‘in their heads’, pondering about the deep things of life while they are the ones taking care of the duties of the household.


  • Both parties are attracted to each other’s warmth, sensitivity and kindness to each other’s needs.
  • Both will likely enjoy their expressiveness and natural affection with each other.
  • Both Feeling types tend to recognize and consider their partner’s needs and try to meet them. Hence there is usually high level of harmony in the relationship.
  • Because both value some level of harmony, they may store up unhappy feelings inside and not share openly.
  • They may avoid necessary conflict and disagreements; this is unhealthy in the long run for the quality of the relationship.
  • Because both may decisions with their personal values, they may sometimes overlook logical consequences of certain actions.


  • Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions.
  • Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate.
  • Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.
  • However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers.
  • Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom.
  • Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy.
  • Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.

Here’s how ESFPs and ENFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ESFP as an ENFJ
  • Be direct and explicit – There is no room for going round in circles when it comes to telling your partner about your needs. Hints won’t work, just show your partner what you want or mean. 
  • Live in the moment – When things happen unexpectedly, instead of feeling bothered or upset, look for the humour of the moment and laugh it off with your partner. 
  • Surprise your partner – Do something funny or outrageous occasionally or buy your partner sweet treats. Your partner loves surprises! 
  • Don’t force decisions – Respect your partner’s need to gather a lot of information before he/she makes a choice. Don’t be too hard on your partner, demanding for closure or decision. 
  • Embrace spontaneity – Be willing to put aside plans and projects so that you can participate in some of your partner’s spontaneous suggestions.
Reaching out to the ENFJ as an ESFP
  • Compliment your partner on his/her ideas – Hearing your partner out on his/her latest projects and showing support for it will greatly boost his/her morale. 
  • Express gratitude and concern for words and actions – Your partner’s love tank gets filled the most when concern is shown to him/her through encouraging words and thoughtful acts. 
  • Fulfil commitments you make – Your partner is likely to be someone who holds promises close to his/her heart and can get very disappointed and hurt if someone fails to follow through. 
  • Try not to make sudden changes – Sudden changes in decision-making cause stress and discomfort to your partner. Be sure to discuss with him/her before making drastic moves, and try not to go off in another direction once you have selected a chosen course of action. 
  • Talk about your conflicts and issues – Taking time to talk about your differences is tough, but it will prove to be worthwhile when the partnership gets a stable footing. Sweeping things under the carpet will only poison the partnership.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ESFP – ENFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.