ESFJ - ENFJ Relationship

ESFJ - ENFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ESFJ - ENFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ESFJ - ENFJ relationship has 3 preference similarities and 1 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Extroversion-Extroversion

Joys Struggles
  • Because both parties enjoy people, they are likely to go for many socializing activities and parties together.
  • They will likely enjoy each other’s energy and zest for life and have many fun activities and adventures together.
  • Because of their love for people and socializing, they are likely to have a large network around them, supporting and mediating for the couple in time of need.
  • Because both love to speak, (not so much listen), they may try to compete for air time when conversing with one another. So instead of listening, they may out talk each other in order to be heard.
  • Hence, they may not feel fulfilled, especially if one party is always doing the talking and the other doing the listening.
  • One party may turn to outside friends to fill that desire to speak and be heard, and in bad cases, it may lead to extra-marital affair.

Sensing-Intuition

Joys Struggles
  • Sensors enjoys the insightful and brilliant Intuitive and seeing things from a big picture, strategic perspective relative to theirs.
  • Sensors are also likely fascinated by the outlandish imagination of the Intuitive; with big dreams and visions.
  • Intuitives will appreciate the Sensors attention to detail in everyday living; Sensors bring Intuitives down to earth to common sense.
  • While not true for all Sensors, Sensors dress themselves and groom themselves relatively well; this is something that Intuitives will appreciate and admire.
  • May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry.
  • Sensors are more past and present focused while Intuitives tend to be more future oriented; This means that Sensors will take references from past experiences and present facts to make a decision, while Intuitives are more likely to take into account future possibilities when doing so. – This may lead to different conclusions with available information.
  • Sensors may find Intuitives’ lack of interest in everyday living and managing household tasks to be frustrating; they don’t understand why Intuitives are always ‘in their heads’, pondering about the deep things of life while they are the ones taking care of the duties of the household.

Feeling-Feeling

Joys Struggles
  • Both parties are attracted to each other’s warmth, sensitivity and kindness to each other’s needs.
  • Both will likely enjoy their expressiveness and natural affection with each other.
  • Both Feeling types tend to recognize and consider their partner’s needs and try to meet them. Hence there is usually high level of harmony in the relationship.
  • Because both value some level of harmony, they may store up unhappy feelings inside and not share openly.
  • They may avoid necessary conflict and disagreements; this is unhealthy in the long run for the quality of the relationship.
  • Because both may decisions with their personal values, they may sometimes overlook logical consequences of certain actions.

Judging-Judging

Joys Struggles
  • Because both value organization, they are likely to have a neat and tidy household with clear rules and standards, something which both parties will prefer.
  • They are likely also to plan their schedules with each other, with little or no issue with unnecessary last minute changes.
  • They will also appreciate their partner’s ability to keep up with the demands of everyday living and stay on top.
  • They will likely be strong together with budgeting, there will be little or no issues with planning out finances together.
  • Even though both parties may have standards in the household, they may have very different standards.

 

  • Because both tend to be opinionated, their arguments and quarrels may be more intense. Both may refuse to budge on their standards and compromise.
  • Both parties like to settle things; this means that sometimes they may make premature decisions without sufficiently considering their alternative options.

 

Here’s how ESFJs and ENFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ESFJ as an ENFJ
  • Respect his/her routines and rituals – Your partner is inclined to avoid change as much as he/she can. To not stress him/her out too much, try not to make too many changes at once and ease in the transitions. 
  • Be specific in conversations – When presenting an idea to your partner, have plenty of real-life examples. He or she tends to be easily confused by vague explanations and the big picture. 
  • Show thoughtful acts of love – Your partner is most touched when his/her everyday needs are met through little acts of services, like buying him/her coffee as a perk-me-up or helping him/her with work. 
  • Don’t finish off your partner’s sentences – When your partner shares something, try not to compete for airtime and interrupt. Fully listen to him/her, even if he or she floods you with incessant details. 
  • Address conflicts regularly – Learn to have conversations about issues and conflicts between you and your partner, instead of ignoring them and hoping they will go away.
Reaching out to the ENFJ as an ESFJ
  • Take turns to give your opinions – Both of you can be highly opinionated, at times even becoming contentious. Take turns to give your opinion – listen patiently and don’t interrupt. 
  • Give the big picture first – Focus on the gist of the issue and painting the big picture. Don’t go into the details unless asked. 
  • Be authentic with your feelings – Don’t hide behind formalities; your partner enjoys it that you are authentic about your feelings and you share them. 
  • Don’t let stubbornness spoil the relationship – Your stubbornness to hold on to your opinion may at times spoil the relationship. Learn to compromise and prioritise the relationship. 
  • Focus on making the world better – When you focus on how you can help others develop themselves mentally, spiritually and emotionally, your partner will be more receptive to your ideas.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ESFJ – ENFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.