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Energetic, spontaneous and playful, ESTPs want to engage life fully with their partners. They see life as an adventure to be lived and will seek out fun, exciting and even risky experiences. Together with their partners, they hope to receive all that life has to offer them.
Relationships with ESTPs are never boring. They’re always on and about the next exciting thing or activity – going to the beach, heading to a concert or a social gathering. The high energy ESTPs are always on the go, seeking more and more experiences.
Because they are such thrill seekers, they may also treat their relationship life like that. They may find it hard to commit to a relationship, but instead move on from one to another as soon as they feel bored or tied down. Of course, mature ESTPs recognise the importance of lifelong relationships and have learned to renew their joy and fun with the same partner daily.
ESTPs are straightforward and direct with their words. They don’t hesitate to say anything they think and sometimes don’t filter their words. They are open to criticism about themselves and likewise have no issue dishing it out to their partners. Sometimes, they unintentionally hurt their partners because of the words they use or the insensitive jokes they make. ESTPs can do better to say more encouraging and affirming words of love to their partners often.
ESTPs like life to be simple. They have no qualms meeting their partner’s physical needs through extravagant gifts, acts of service or even by charming their partners with sweet words. However, they are usually at a loss when their partners have unfulfilled emotional needs. It’s not that they don’t care, but they have no idea how to navigate the sensitive world of emotions. They might choose to avoid the whole topic entirely or back away – which may be interpreted wrongly by their partners as abandonment.
Being spontaneous and playful, they’re not the best people to establish any form of structure in the household. They simply won’t. They are far more happy being the handyman of the house – fixing the light bulbs, cooking the meals and doing the plumbing work. However, they don’t like to be pressured or nagged into doing these tasks. They want to do it, yes, but in their own time. Sometimes, something new comes along as well and catches their attention. This may cause them not to follow through on certain tasks and frustrate their partners.
With money, ESTPs adopt a spend-as-you-earn mentality. They don’t believe that money is earned so that it can be stored somewhere for an unknown need in the future. To them, money is a tool for them to live out life’s experience to the fullest, so they may spend money impulsively on a whim. They love to use their money to show their extravagant love to their partners with an expensive gift or two. This behaviour may frustrate or stress out their partners who find it hard to plan for a future.
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To grow in your ability to love and care for your partner, here are some things you can do:
Consider the long-term commitments
Your playful and fun-loving nature is attractive to others, and you’ll be more than happy to jump into relationships for the joy it provides you. However, with love relationships, you’ll want to think twice about the long-term commitments required of you when you say ‘yes’ to serious dating.
It’s probably better to stick to casual dating if you’re just looking for friends to have a good time together. As you may have already found out, breaking up with someone will give you a lot of emotional issues. Alternatively, you may decide that a long-term relationship is worth having with a particular person, and work things out within your head.
Be more affirming and encouraging
You are straightforward and to the point. That may work with your Thinking types, but if your partner is a Feeling type, you’re likely going to hurt your partner’s feelings more than you want to.
Learn instead to be more affirming and encouraging toward them. Find things about them that you can praise, and resist telling them negative things. If you have to, think about it and consult a few friends to find the best way to put forth what you want to communicate.
Find a way to save money better
By spending money impulsively, you’ll get joy, but you may regret it later. As a single, this probably doesn’t have much consequence since you’re not providing for anyone else but yourself. But as a couple managing a household and children with its related expenses, you might end up not being able to pay off the important bills.
Allow your partner to handle the majority of your finances, or get a financial advisor to lock up your funds in investments or savings programs so that you don’t let your impulse get the better of you in this area.
Here’s what you should watch out for when you are dating or married to an ESTP partner.
Give them their freedom
ESTPs need their freedom. They want to be able to live freely and spontaneously as life presents itself. One of the worst feelings they can feel is being tied down to something that causes them not to be able to do so. So if you try to control their behaviour or tell them that something is out of bounds for them, the more they might attempt it. The more you say ‘No’, the more they’ll show you why ‘Yes’!
Tell them as it is
If you have something to say to the ESTP, say it as it is. Worst case is that they may explode in anger, but they’ll sit back, reflect and think about it later on. And they’ll apologise if necessary. You don’t have to hint it to them – they’re likely not to catch your subtle hints. They’re not going to recognise your passive aggressiveness nor your nuanced language – it's better to say it directly to them.
Find recreational activities to do together
ESTPs love doing things with their partners. Whether it’s a hike, a tennis game, or having a cookout at home, ESTPs overcome their boredom by doing fun activities. For them, the best kind of date is one that they get to get their hands dirty and their bodies moving. Be creative and ask them out frequently!
Be patient with their spontaneity
ESTPs change plans a lot. They may say they want to do something, only to change their minds at the last minute. Also, ESTPs may make important decisions only to tell you what they did much later! You can remind them about the importance of sticking to their plans and staying accountable for their actions, although it might take a while for them to adjust.
Although we should never discount a person as a potential partner because of his/her personality type, type theory offers a good idea about which types might suit INTJs better.
According to theory, the ENFP or the ENTP probably form the best partnership with the INTJs. They both prefer Intuition (N), which makes communication more straightforward and less chance for misunderstanding. The gregarious and spontaneous ENFPs or ENTPs are a great match for the introverted and planned INTJs.