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Fun-loving and full of zest for life, ENFPs are passionate and devoted partners. They see relationships as an important part of their lives and will do their best to cultivate a positive one with their partners.
ENFPs are fearless when it comes to speaking up for their cause. They couldn’t care less about what others think of them. Partners of ENFPs find this side of them inspiring and admirable. The ENFP’s natural confidence often give courage to their partners to step out fearlessly, motivating them to action.
Excitable people driven by inspiration, ENFPs love the new and novel. When something catches their eye, they can get suddenly engrossed in it. They may even border on obsession about this new thing – until something else comes along. Then, they lose their interest and move on to that something else. Because of this trait, ENFPs are more likely to develop crushes at a young age.
With serious love relationships, ENFPs have to be careful. If they are not, they may end up moving from relationship to relationship, searching for the new and exciting in a person. This may be especially true if ENFPs have introvert partners who are unassuming or what they call ‘boring’.
ENFPs have no problem expressing themselves. Being so articulate and charismatic, you just have to give them the stage to see them shine. They inspire and persuade so well! However, when dealing with conflicts, ENFPs may run to the other extreme. They may avoid the necessary conversation, or even suppress their own emotions. They hope that the pain or offence will go away if they don’t deal with it. More often than not, the simmering resentment comes back in a burst of uncontrollable emotions – and the ENFP may end up saying things to their partners they may regret later.
The same issue applies to negative feedback and criticisms. Their partner may correct them out of love, but ENFPs find it hard not to take it personally. While in their heads, they understand that it is merely feedback to help them improve, ENFPs feel in their hearts an assault on their character or being. Hence, their self-esteem may take a beating in response to negative feedback.
Being extravagant lovers, ENFPs like big shows of affection from their partners. Flowers at their workplace, big birthday parties are ENFPs’ favourite type of gifts. They, however, feel most loved when their partners give ear to their many creative (often crazy) ideas. It’s important that their partners don’t judge or criticise them, but listen to understand. Better yet, partners should be their #1 cheerleader and encourage them to pursue their dreams. Being extroverted, ENFPs also enjoy verbal strokes and affirmations – sometimes a simple word can give them fuel to last the entire day!
ENFPs are not good with maintaining the household though. They might have a lot of input when it comes to the design of the house and the choosing of the themed furniture, but their strength is typically not in the upkeeping of the household. They tend to neglect duties like paying the bills or buying the daily necessities. Money management is also an issue – they are usually not good at keeping track of budgets, much less stick to them. They may also tend to overspend in impulsive moments of generosity.
|Here are the joys of being with an ENFP in love...|
|Here are the challenges of being with an ENFP in love...|
To grow in your ability to love and care for your partner, here are some things you can do:
See healthy criticism as part of the growth process
You find it hard to accept criticism because it feels like an attack on your character or identity. As a result, you tend to become defensive or ‘hit back’ at your partner for criticising you. In the end, the relationship is affected.
Learn not to take criticism personally, but as feedback for improvement. If you and your partner can do that, the relationship becomes a great place to make mistakes and to grow.
Your energy comes a lot from inspiration and excitement of the new. After the initial excitement dies off, it’s not uncommon to see you move on to something else without following through. You have to be careful about that in relationships. If you do that, you’re going to move from partner to partner, or you’re going to make a lot of promises and never keep them.
Learn to manage your energy and emotions such that you can follow through. Better yet, don’t be too quick to make promises you can’t keep. That way, your partner can trust and rely on your words.
Don’t project your ideals on your partner
Your idealism drives your action. It makes you an evangelist of causes and a great persuader. You see a broken world and are provoked to action. This trait makes you a great inspiring leader. This trait in a relationship, however, can work against you.
If you project your ideals unto your partner, and constantly remind them of how they’re falling short, then you’re going to make your partner feel unworthy. Instead of criticising them, help your partner improve by coming from a space of encouragement.
Here’s what you should watch out for when you are dating or married to an ENFP partner.
Love them extravagantly
Show love through words of praise, gifts and surprise dates and parties! They enjoy surprises and most of all, the thought you have put in to plan all these for them. It doesn’t always have to be expensive. Sometimes simple praise or affirmation will make their day.
Go with the flow
Life with ENFPs is full of surprises. They are highly spontaneous people – changing their mind on a whim. Their plans are fluid and deadlines flexible. This also means they may not follow through on their words.
No doubt, this might frustrate you. But that’s life with an ENFP – learn to enjoy the process and trust that things will work out eventually. Of course, please give them reminders on important dates and those that simply can’t be changed!
Be gentle in your feedback
Be gentle with them. ENFPs may look feisty and fearless, but they’re soft on the inside. They take criticism personally, and you might get an overreaction if you don’t temper your words. Err on the side of caution – if you want to give negative feedback, say it in the most encouraging way possible. Instead of saying, “You talk too much”, say, “I would love it if you would hear me out.”.
Encourage their dreams
Encourage ENFPs to pursue their dreams and ideals, and support them in those decisions that require them to ‘follow their heart’. It may seem somewhat impractical – but don’t tell them that! Instead, strategise for them. Help them figure out how they can achieve those ideals. It’s not going to be easy, so your ENFP will be needing you to support them all the way!
Although we should never discount a person as a potential partner because of his/her personality type, type theory offers a good idea about which types might suit ENFPs better.
According to theory, the INFJ or the INTJ probably form the best partnership with the ENFPs. They both prefer Intuition (N), which makes communication more straightforward and less chance for misunderstanding. The quiet and planned INFJs or INTJs are a great match for the gregarious and spontaneous ENFPs.