ENFJ Relationships

ENFJs are energetic, compassionate, encouraging and idealistic partners who seek to bring out the best in their partners. Because they value the harmonious relationship so highly, ENFJs tend to give a lot to their partners and sometimes they neglect their personal needs. 

ENFJs are articulate and have great communication skills. Hence they often express their feelings and thoughts very well to their partners. Likewise, they can be great listeners who are insightful in understand their partner’s hearts. They are encouraging and believe in the potential of their partners; they show this through their inspiring and affirming words like “You can do it”, “I believe in you”, especially when their partners are in need of them. 

ENFJs, however, tend not to communicate honestly when they feel offended or slighted. They keep the offenses inside in order to avoid a conflict and prefer just to sweep it all away, hoping that the offenses will cure itself. Often this doesn’t happen; some other related event will become a trigger for an unexpected outburst of the ENFJ who has been harboring certain negative emotions, who may use sharp, critical or sarcastic words to get back at their partners. ENFJs can learn to speak up and assert themselves if they feel offended or slighted so that their partners learn and adjust themselves too.

ENFJs idealize their relationships and will put a lot of effort into making the relationship the ideal one that they have conceived in their heads. Their desire for perfection may mean that they will constantly be striving for perfection and improvements. Sometimes, it may not work out because the ENFJ’s desire for perfection may turn into control and manipulation, which is highly suffocating for their partners.  

As people who carry strong values about what’s right and wrong, ENFJs tend to be steadfast and expect their partners to respect and even adopt those values. To this end, they can be deemed as either firm and unyielding or stubborn and inflexible. ENFJs can do better if they adopt a third-party, objective point of view to look at situations to appreciate an opposing point of view, say from their partners. 

ENFJs feel most loved when their partners appreciate them for their kindness and consideration for others, and also take the time to get to know their often deep and spiritual selves which may be complex and mysterious. Their partners can show these actions through writing love notes, speaking words of affirmation to them and spending quality time with the ENFJ to get to know them deeper. 

The ENFJ’s primary concern is global issues and big ideas, not everyday mundane tasks. However, their desire to make the relationship a good one will may cause them to be helpful in the household to take care of everyday tasks like household chores, paying the bills and buying the groceries. Although they are not too good with these routine activities, they do it to please their partners and to keep the household going. 

ENFJs are good money managers. They plan their financials well enough to ensure that the future financial commitments of their relationships such as the housing loan, car loan and their children’s education are well met before they spend money on themselves. 

According to Keirsey’s Temperament Theory, the ideal partner for the ENFJ is the INTP, whose calm, objective and spontaneous nature complement the INTP well in a relationship.

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