ESTJ Relationships

ESTJs are committed, strong-headed, responsible partners who have strong opinions over how things are done in the household. They value tradition and social norms, and expect things to be done according to those traditions and norms. They are clear about where they stand on certain issues, and are not so open to alternative points of view.

ESTJs are highly responsible and committed partners. Once they get together with somebody, they are committed to bringing the relationship to marriage. As partners, they will fulfill the obligations and responsibilities required of them and be faithful, like taking care of the daily tasks in the household or providing financially for the relationship and family. They are protectors in this aspect; they want to ensure that there are safety and security for all those under their care. However, ESTJs can overdo this at times, making their partners feel stifled and controlled because of the ESTJs desire to protect and guard. 

ESTJs value traditions such as anniversaries, birthdays and other important dates. They expect to celebrate these occasions with their families and spouse and want them to be around. They also value routines like having dinner together, sleeping by a certain time. They expect those around them to accommodate to these dates and routines and they dislike any deviation from them.

They have strong opinions about most things, and their partners don’t have to ask them about where ESTJs stand on certain issues; the ESTJs will tell them sooner or later. As such, there is often little or no complications in a relationship with an ESTJ. However, ESTJs tend not to like to deal with emotions of their partner, preferring to solve the problem intellectually instead of engaging their partner emotionally. ESTJs can learn about how they can engage their partners at the emotional level so as to increase intimacy and open communication between them. 

When it comes to dealing with disagreements, ESTJs do not shy away. Instead, they want to resolve the issue as quickly as possible by talking through the problem. However, their style tends to be rather confrontational and may hurt the feelings of their partner along the way. Also, they may be resistant to alternative points of view. ESTJs can learn how to be more open to new suggestions and be tactful in delivery to so that conflicts are resolved more effectively without any lingering bitterness. 

ESTJs feel most loved when their efforts of providing for, maintaining the household and protecting the family is appreciated through loving words, gift-giving and acts of service. They want to know that their partners notice all the effort they’re putting in to keep the relationship going and appreciate them verbally for it. 

ESTJs are also masters at managing money. They are good budgeters and will ensure that most, if not all, financial commitments of the family is well covered. They are faithful in keeping up with bill payments and loan repayments and to always ensure that the partner and family have enough to survive and thrive. However, they tend to be a little more materialistic, having a love for luxury products and wanting to spend money on them as well. Nonetheless, ESTJs have a reputation to be extremely careful with their money and will do all they can to guard it as well.

According to Keirsey’s Temperament Theory, the ideal partner for the ESTJ is the ISFP, whose calm, compassionate and spontaneous nature complement the ESTJ well in a relationship.

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