ESFJ Relationships

ESFJs are committed, compassionate and caring partners who are highly responsible and organized. They are providers of the family, always looking to meet needs, long before people ask them to. They are generous and give of themselves to their partners, and expect their partners to do likewise as well.

They are energetic, fun-loving and usually popular people in school. Gregarious and hearty, ESFJs are also compassionate people who will often stand up for a friend in need, long before help is asked of them. These qualities make the ESFJ a great friend and partner to be with. They are often popular among peers; for they are reliable and faithful people who will always be there. 

ESFJs put a lot of effort to meet the practical needs of their partners and the household. Being highly responsible, they will do their utmost to perform their duties and obligations as partners. They want to be appreciated for the effort they put in, and they want their partner to put in the same kind of effort to keep the relationship and household going. They appreciate a partner who meets the everyday, practical needs of the household like buying the groceries, paying the bills, repairing broken household items and so on.  

Being traditional and family-oriented, ESFJs put their families first above all else. They value the important dates such as birthdays, anniversaries as they see these dates as important milestones to be celebrated and remembered. They expect their partners to do likewise by scheduling these dates above everything else.  

They are a strong value system based on moral truth. They have a clear idea about what is right and wrong. They often feel the need to instill these values on their partner and family as well. While these instilling of values is often with good intentions, ESFJs could border on being manipulative and controlling if they feel their partners or kids’ are not doing what they expect of them. 

ESFJs want their partners to compliment them on their good work and show appreciation through loving words, gifts and acts of service in return. Their need for affirmation can sometimes cause them to go a little too far by fishing for compliments and become needy. ESFJs need to learn to be more self-assured of their identity and worth, and seek less affirmation from external sources, even from their own partners.

ESFJs have an extreme dislike of conflict or disagreements of any sort. When they feel offended, slighted or hurt by their partners, they will not speak up about it. Instead, they tend to keep it inside, hoping to avoid the inevitable confrontation and conflict that will come. However, this often comes out later on when there is a trigger event enough to cause them to bring up all of these unspoken incidents. To avoid this sudden eruption of emotions, ESFJs can learn how to assert themselves firmly as and when they feel offended, slighted or hurt. 

ESFJs are great money managers. Often conservative, ESFJs are great budgeters and savers, always ensuring that there is excess left over for future financial commitments like the car loan, housing loan, children’s education. In the household, ESFJs are often the one controlling the purse strings because of their great ability to manage finances. However, ESFJs do enjoy luxury products and sometimes they may desire that their partners provide them with those. 

According to Keirsey’s Temperament Theory, the ideal partner for the ESFJ is the ISTP, whose calm, objective and spontaneous nature complement the ISTP well in a relationship.



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